Sex

Sexual Performance

I've always been complimented on my performance in bed—even from my first time (which I didn't believe back then, but got to over time as I collected more "data points"). So either I'm genetically gifted, the ton of research I'd done the years before having sex or my upbringing implicitly brought me wisdom for in bed.

Pleasuring Women

What do I feel is the most important for giving your girlfriend a "wow" effect? Number one is pay attention. Listen to her moaning, feel her, smell her. Notice the effect of everything you do. You can play around with it and learn that way—different women get off from different things.

If you find something that works, just keep going at the same pace. We guys are used to upping intensity when it's good but it doesn't work the same way for women.

Start slow. Tease a lot. I have a lot of fun going so slowly that she's begging for me to keep going. And the orgasms after that are great.

A girl's first orgasm is hardest. You can let her cool down a little bit and then go back in for another orgasm.

The tip of the clitoris (the pointy part that sticks out and you can see) is very sensitive. Great place to stimulate but be careful not to overdo it. Even "two hairs" of pressure, when done long enough, can make her cum. Many women's clit is hidden underneath a "hood," you can often (but not always) pull it away by pushing up with your thumb and exposing the clit itself.

Around or just after the orgasm I like placing my entire palm on the pubic bone and opening of the vagina, and pressing down on it. You can press surprisingly hard, if you hit the right spot. It's incredibly grounding and soothing for her—and it can even cause an orgasm to happen when she's a bit tense and you let her relax with this move.

The G-Spot & Squirting (?)

I could consistently make this happen with but neither of us really understood what's going on. There was suddenly a lot of fluid though, of a much dryer consistency than the usual lube'y wetness. No idea where it came from.

The technique here is (quite intense) G-spot stimulation. The spot is like if she's on her back, you put in your finger 2/3rds, palm up and do the "come here" motion. There's a spongy, textured bit right there. Stroke it, push it, that's the place.

That only gets you so far. For the "next level" (please be careful with this), turn your hand around and use your thumb to hit the spot. There's a lot more strength and flexibility in that finger. Be prepared for a sore wrist if she's on her back because it's a cramped position. Or you can flip her on her belly and get in easily from behind.

The fun part of this "thumb" variant is that the rest of your fingers end up right around the clit.

To really hammer hard (either with the thumb, or your two middle fingers when she's on her back), keep the wrist locked and use your shoulder and bicep to perform the movement.

Deepening Connection

The best sex is where we both disappear into each other. It's a place where we let go of our egos and where this "earthly" act becomes something deeply spiritual.

Practicing presence in daily life will pay dividends in the bedroom. You can feel this. Your partner becomes the only thing that's there, you look deep into each other's eyes, your breaths are perfectly synced and your union becomes the entire world.

Consciously breathe with her. Meditate, or have a sauna, or do breathwork, before sex and thank me later.

Preventing Ejaculation

For a long time I've gotten to the point of no return too soon in my opinion. I've definitely learned how far I can go, how to back off, slowing down and ramping back up. That way I can have sex for a long time. And it's very satisfying for my partner as I'm great at fellatio. But still I'd like to keep going for longer when I'm really hammering hard.

So when you're alone, the practice of edging where you come close to ejaculating and then stop it is great to understand where your limits are. Practically, you can even squeeze your pelvic floor to keep the sperm in your body. (If that's difficult, breathing out fully and then squeezing has a stronger effect.) You'll still lose the erection though.

In any case, this is crucial to understand where you are on your "ejaculation scale" from 0 to 10, where you orgasm and ejaculate on 10. Then you understand when to stop, go slower or back off for a while.

Lasting Longer While Getting Stimulation

Getting close to ejaculation actually makes it very difficult to for example keep penetrating her, continuously, for a long time. You're always close to the edge and need to slow down often. Of course it's fun to switch between hard and soft, but it's even more fun to have total control.

I'm practicing to getting to the point where I can decide to not cum, no matter what she does to me.

This requires taking the presence and meditative practice to another level.

It's not about getting to a 9/10 and then squeezing it. In fact it's tension that makes us men ejaculate, so staying relaxed is key. Much more similar to women's orgasms, where we are definitely circulating sexual energy but we're much closer to something like a 6-7/10.

You can practice masturbating while keeping your pelvic floor and other muscles relaxed all the time. The erection won't be as hard as your 9/10 but you can just keep going on and on and on.

The "reverse Kegel" is a specific technique to relax. Where a normal Kegel is like "pulling in" and squeezing like you're stopping yourself from peeing, the reverse Kegel is more of a "pushing out" feeling close to trying to pee or shit harder. You can kind of feel your butt cheeks go apart a little when you push out. During sex though don't do this too hard—the key point is relaxing.

From here you do a similar thing to the 9/10 technique from before: try to keep your erection/arousal level around here. I know, you'll want to keep going because you're "only at 8." This takes some discipline. If you're a good man you have it.

Lasting Longer: Spiritual Practices

This is something I'm getting acquainted with right now and I still have to wade through the vocabulary before I really understand it. In any case, it comes down to helping you stay in this 6-7 zone where you're not getting tense yet full of energy.

The first key point is deep belly breathing. Breathe into your balls, bro! (You'll notice that if you use this visualization, you kinda already do a little reverse Kegel while breathing in.)

Then, redirect the sexual energy that's being pent up out of your genitals. There are a lot of different options here: up the spine, in a circle up from the back and back around and down in the front, pushing the energy into your lover.

Start doing this already during foreplay. It's no fun already being at 9/10 and having to take a break just as things are getting started.

If you refuse to ejaculate, your girl will go crazy for you. Because she wants to make you cum, and making you cum is also her gaining some power over you. If you don't let her, she'll be mad at you and insanely turned on at the same time.

One more word: don't get too stuck up in this. You'll definitely lose some connection and "letting go" as you're practicing this. It's okay to sometimes just say fuck it and fuck her hard and go into beast mode and roar and ejaculate after 2 seconds. Just blame her for being too hot 😉. After all it's evolutionarily advantageous for guys to cum quickly.

More

One great idea for going down on her: while you're doing it, she closes her eyes and you whisper in her ears what you love about her and how she makes you feel.

Taking away her vision is in general something super arousing—the anticipation of "where is he going to touch me next" is priceless.

The Countdown: when she's about to cum, back off to make her beg—then go back in action and slowly, confidently count down.

Penis Enlargement

I have an above-average penis but this still interests me—even if just for the lulz. Enlarging your penis, I don't know, it feels like it's a joke so I'd have a good internal laugh if I can pull it off.

I'm much more interested in girth than length. I've been too long before and it's not fun—she's worried that I will hurt her and if I go hard it does actually hurt (and not in the good way).

From the little bit of research I've done:

What matters is, of course, blood flow. That and micro-tears in the tissue so more builds up—just like muscle building.

I'm just starting on this and it'll take months if not years to see results, but 1 or 2cm of length or girth would be a lot for me.

Don't wear tight-fitting underwear. I've noticed that loose underwear causes me to have more (semi-) erections during the day. That's actually a good sign. So I'll transition to that type of underwear now.

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